I sat in a theatre filled with college film students waiting for my animation to play at the Coronado Film Festival. My breathing quickened as the reel began. My character was a vulnerable piece of me that I decided to let into the world and judge. It seems weird to relate to a hairless guinea pig you created for your sophomore animation class, but I think we all have not felt good enough for the expectations we are held against. My animation was a retelling of Hans Christian Andersen’s Ugly Duckling, where the hairless guinea pig struggles with his self image, seeking to fit the norm. He discovers his self worth and meets people like him.  I have struggled to become what I believe others tell me to be. 

     When I was younger, it took me more time to finish my work than other students. I felt so much pressure to fit that perfect A-plus Asian daughter that I thought I should be. I thought there was something wrong with me for not being able to work as fast as everyone else, until mid way through eighth grade where I found out I had dyslexia. This disheartened me as I enjoyed the storytelling of narratives. I learned that I did not qualify for any aid because my grades when just good enough. I had to figure out how to deal with my dyslexia on my own. Discovering this made me worried that I would fail as an adult in a real job because they would expect me to be the Asian genius that people pushed me to be. I felt like a hopeless lost cause.  I learned there was a way to tell stories without words that I could stumble over. I was able to learn animation.

After middle school I got accepted into Coronado School of the Arts for the animation strand. I met people who were passionate about the same things I was passionate about.  I got to learn how to meet deadlines with teams and delegate work with others in group animation projects. I even got to become a student ambassador for the school, met a lot of new people, and even given speeches about the school and what we do in CoSA Ambassadors. The support of my peers has taught me that dyslexia should not hinder me from reaching my goals.                  Through CoSA I could come out of my shell and realize that I did not have to fit that perfect A-plus Asian daughter stereotype to still be successful. My teachers here helped me learn to find my voice and guided my self-confidence to where it is today. It was quite a change from middle school. I enjoy being in a place where my classmates wanted to see me succeed. It is weird to think about how out of lost I felt. I have become the bolder, stronger person I am today with the help of so many people. It definitely is something odd to say but I think I can say that I feel like my hairless guinea pig is a piece of who I was.